A NIGHT INSIDE MY SOUL
“Forgiveness does not take away what happened. But it allows for something greater to happen through it.” — Abuelo Huachuma
After returning from Italy, I tried to integrate all that happened in the best way possible. In the process, I often got stuck in my head causing me to spiral into a space that felt more like something that was just going around in circles.
And after six months of trying to do this on my own and staying away from one of my most precious and sacred teachers and allies I connect with through a 3500-year-old ancient shamanic ritual from the Peruvian Andes I have been practicing for the past 10 years I got a call from one of my longtime spiritual brother and friend who has participated in many ceremonies with me over the years.
He contacted me to tell me that he felt a strong call to do a ceremony to address a challenge in his life and asked if I could help him.
At first, I resisted. I didn’t want to enter that space because I knew the challenge that a ceremony like this could bring, especially when you are going through a big shift in your life.
I really didn’t feel like going through another ordeal right now. Yet deep in my soul, I knew it was time for me to reconnect with “The Grandfather” to be able to carry on my journey.
I needed to reconnect with my teacher, but for the first time in a long time, I was scared to face the sheer power of this ancient practice.
Now, this isn’t completely a bad thing because a little fear and a lot of respect should always accompany this type of work. You sure don’t want to enter the realm that will open up in front of you with nonchalance. I have often seen what happens when people do that, and that isn’t pretty.
And so reluctant at first, I said “yes” to serve him and also take the time for me to sit and listen to a new lesson and take myself to a place I can grow and heal from these past six months and become an updated version of myself and do some good because of it.
And so we sat in the ceremony. Two brothers in need of growth, healing, and a new direction.
We started at 6pm. As in every ceremony, one of the things you must always do is set your intention.
My brother shared his intention first, and when he finished, I shared mine.
It was a very… VERY cathartic moment. There were a lot of tears, a lot of emotions.
The last six months have been tough, and at that moment, everything came together.
It felt like a circle closing. The end of a chapter. The end of a journey that represented this incredibly powerful and very challenging period in my life.
I was in tears. I felt myself at that moment where you beg for help. It’s that moment when life takes you to the point that completely humbles you.
There is no way out. You know the truth. You understand that you don’t have all the answers and realize that you have arrived at another moment in your life where you just need help.
Ever been there?
My intention was…
“How can I forgive myself for having put myself in this situation, for having held myself back, for having suffered longer than I should have despite all the lessons I had received in my life?”
My intention was forgiveness. Forgiveness of myself.
We always want to forgive everybody else, right? But this one was about forgiving myself and allowing myself to learn from and let go of this time and just wrap it up and carry on with the gifts so I can share them with others.
And so we started this ceremony. My brother and friend had a very, very powerful experience. A very bodily experience with hours and hours of pain, purging and releasing the energy he bottled up during this chapter of his life.
Letting go of the resistance, self-judgment, guilt, resentment, and fears isn’t easy, and real shamanism will push you to the limits of your sanity before you can let it go.
My experience instead was very internal. No pain, physical, at least. It was an inner dialogue with “The Grandfather” guiding me to find the answers already within me.
So the first question was, “How can I move on with my life now?”
And promptly came the answer, “Start by forgiving yourself for holding yourself back.”
We too often believe that the situations and the things that happen are the ones that are holding us back. In reality, it isn’t.
The reality is that the aftermath and what we do with the situation or what happened is what is holding us back.
We are the ones that are holding ourselves back, not what happened. And so there was a moment I needed to understand that instead of looking for the quick fix to get me unstuck and move forward, I really needed to take responsibility and forgive myself for having held myself back.
The a-ha moment is when you realize, “Oh, wow, I literally have put myself through this. I made this last more than I should have for a reason or another.”
The moment we can forgive ourselves is the moment we are truly ready to forgive another.
We always want to forgive everyone around us, yet how can we pretend or believe that we can actually forgive anyone if we can’t start by forgiving ourselves?
Forgiveness happens the moment you allow yourself to be free.
Let me repeat that… forgiveness happens the moment you allow yourself to be free. Free of the story you created to protect yourself from the pain that came from whatever experience.
While not forgiving yourself only traps you into this vicious cycle of pain, despair, and pretending to be okay, while in reality you’re just silently falling apart.
Life is an experience only if you make it one. Otherwise, life will feel like you’re stuck in a rut going around in circles spinning 1000 miles an hour, getting nowhere, and eventually realizing that you were never on a long straight road like you thought, but only on a treadmill pretending to go somewhere, yet in reality only getting more and more lost.
Lessons were coming through one after the other…
Lightning bolts of truth shot through my core, helping me realize who I was, where I was, what I was doing, why I was here, and finding the truth I needed to help me go on.
The teacher then told me something I will NEVER EVER forget.
He said,
“Forgiveness does not take away what happened. But it allows for something greater to happen through it.”
And that topped everything off and ended another hero’s journey. A journey that first got me to my knees and now a little closer to the person I want to become and want to share with the world.
I can’t wait to share all the lessons I learned in the last 6 months with anyone who crosses my path and I’m called to serve because what we receive is never for us to keep but always to be shared.
“Forgiveness does not take away what happened. It allows for something greater to happen through it.”
WOW!! What an experience.
And so before I go, I want to say that if you feel stuck, if you feel like you’re not moving forward, if you’re feeling like you’re just going through the motions but not actually living, I urge you to look inside yourself.
Don’t look outside for the answers. Don’t look at social media. Don’t look at the TV. Don’t listen to anything, just stop for a moment and really go find the truth within and the part of yourself you need to forgive.
What about yourself and your journey and where you are right now do you need to forgive and let go?
“Happiness happens when love meets truth.”
And the moment you forgive yourself IS the moment love meets truth and the moment you’ll truly find yourself, find happiness, and will be able to carry on with your life completely free and in total control of your faith.
Want to learn more about the 3500-year-old practice I work with and how it might be the missing link to creating the life you‘re looking for…
…and avoid having to go through the same trials and tribulations I had to go through? Reach out to me here and I’ll share what this powerful practice could do for you.
